Two Years Goes Flying By... (2 parts)
Year one was summarised in this post... http://www.emigratenz.org/forum/showthread.php?t=30340
Read on for some very random thoughts and observations after two tears on the ground.
Well it seems incredible but we've now sailed through our two year anniversary, barely even stopping for breath to recognize this event.
I'm sharing a few thoughts and very personal opinions on our time here - not just about us, but about others we have met on this amazing journey.
From our point of view we are so settled it is a lovely feeling. In fact almost too settled… The first year was a fantastic series of new experiences, highs and lows, new people, new activities and thoroughly making the most of everything around us. If anything during our second year we might have taken our eye off the ball a little and got a little bit complacent about where we are and the opportunities open to us.
Having said that it all started well with our newly found hobbies of swimming and running. My wife entered the Auckland Marathon and despite an almost unbelievable series of injuries and setbacks still managed to complete the half marathon getting that all important, iconic run across the bridge. I'm still not sure how she managed to do it - the determination and dedication to recover from injury after injury was phenomenal.
On my part I also completed a milestone - swimming the Auckland harbor as part of the Ocean Swim Series.
Now, we know that people run and swim in the UK, but we didn't. Something about moving made us pick up our feet and get on and do something. This is one of the most overwhelming characteristics of our trip - we feel so able to just try new things because stuff is accessible and it's part of the fabric of being here to just try stuff.
Visitors - We had our first family visitors after 18 months on the ground. We'd also had a solid friend visit in the first year and a couple of other visitors staying for a night or just meeting up for a meal. In general though we've had relatively few visitors and in retrospect we're actually really grateful for this. The number of visitors and the duration of their stays is an area that seems to massively vary between different immigration experiences. We loved having our visitors, don't get me wrong, but I wonder if too many early on upsets the process of settling in.
We have one set of friends who received a series of visitors immediately after landing. From one week to the next they were never on their own for months and months. then the visitors stopped coming and these friends realized they were nine months into their stay and they'd made no friends. They'd developed no network and they were extremely down for a period. This is a story we've heard similar versions of on a number of occasions. People who have lots of visitors staying for extended periods early on don't seem to settle as well. There are some sound reasons for this that I can see. You will live a different lifestyle with visitors in your house. It's impossible not to. You feel obliged to tour-guide them, there are issues of how much people contribute to the experience (treating your house like a hotel) and it's disruptive for kids and routines. If you want to spend time with them you're using up precious annual leave or taking expensive unpaid leave.
I just want to re-emphasize at this point that these are purely my observations and opinions and many people will have had or witnessed very different experiences.
The other major visitors we have had are a truly fantastic family from Christchurch who came up to stay with us after the February earthquake. They are also from the UK and chose ChCh because it offered everything they wanted in terms of lifestyle and size and career opportunities and safety. They are choosing to return to the UK later this year because the combined effects of moving, being new parents and the enormous mental strain of coping with the earthquakes and subsequent thousands upon thousands of aftershocks is just too much for them. We love these guys and they have coped amazingly but sometimes no matter how much planning and preparation you do, things just don't work out. They are hanging on for their returning residents visas and aren't ruling out coming back in the future but by the end of the year they'll be back in the UK.
A last word on visitors: When you are talking about your imminent travels with friends, family and colleagues you will likely invite everyone to come and stay (maybe believing that they won't be able to manage without you - they will) and expect everyone to willingly give up several thousand pounds and several weeks of their holiday in order to come and visit you (most wont). Don't under-estimate the dedication required to make such a huge commitment of time and money. And don't think you can predict who will visit (you can't). Inviting people to stay is perfectly normal of course. I think it's the reaction of the social programming we all have that stops us just saying the truth "After I leave, we'll probably never see each other again. Or if we do it will be years down the track and by coincidence. Bye"
Skype - When it comes to communicating with friends and relatives, Skype has a lot going for it. It's free, you get to see the person and it's reasonably reliable. One of the principle downsides is that unless you and all your contacts leave your machines connected all the time with Skype running, you still need to agree a time for a call. When there are kids involved the time differences get tricky. It's very difficult to find a slot where kids can talk to kids due to bed times etc. You can still maintain a reasonable relationship via Skype, but something we have learned is that it doesn't suit every person or relationship. My wife likes to walk around whilst she talks on the phone so to sit down at a computer and use Skype is just not natural for her. So don't disregard the simple telephone. With calling cards and inclusive bundles you can call really cheaply internationally and for some it'll win hands down over Skype.
In terms of keeping in touch we have found our blog to be the most indispensable tool. The family keep up with it and are fairly well up to date on our activities, thoughts, moods and feelings all the time. This alone, I believe, helps people to feel connected. It also let's you have shorter and less frequent direct conversations, something that will become important once you've found your own hobbies and past-times. If you want to write a blog I suggest that you try and stick to a frequency you are comfortable with and stick to it. If nothing exciting has happened you can still talk about how you feel and what you have been doing, even if it seems mundane to you. Obviously not too much repetition here, but it helps to paint the picture that you're not just on holiday, you have got a new job and life and challenges as well as rewards.
Continued in next post....
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