6 weeks in and feeling very unsettled
I have been following this forum for the past few years and have found posts so helpful we are now in NZ for 6 weeks but have really struggled to settle down and wondering if we have made the right decision to come – does anyone feel like this as all the posts I have read are about how everyone loves it from the time they step off the flight.
We (myself, my two daughter now 18 and 13 years old) have been planning this move for the past three years and couldn’t wait to come over it was my dream. We obtained our visas but due to a delay due to a medical waiver being required for my older daughter, (then 16 years old). We had to delay the move as she had then started her A level s and I decided that I wouldn’t move to NZ until she had finished and then she would come over and do her university in NZ. We came over to NZ in Dec 2009 for a few weeks in order to validate the visas just before the year deadline .
Upon our return to the UK we sold the house and continued our plans to come handing in my notice at work , giving notice to the school etc. My daughter now 18 years old decided that she did not want to come after all and planned to go to university in the Uk. After much talking we all agreed that myself and my 13 year old daughter would still make the move and try and complete the two years to obtain IRRV .
We moved my older daughter into university in September 2010 and then we got our flights via Hong Kong. We sobbed so much on the flight leaving the UK I think everyone wondered what was wrong with us. We then realised that we didn’t actually want to go and that we would miss my older daughter too much and that we had made a terrible mistake.
We arrived in Auckland to the rain and cold and got our connecting flight to Palmerston North where my parents and sister live ( they had both emigrated some years ago and loved it). This being one of the reasons why we decided to come as we felt very isolated in London although we had a great network of friends in London we had no family there anymore. Also my dad had been diagnosed with cancer and I wanted to spend as much time with him
Since we arrived both of us have struggled to feel settled and every day all I can think of is going back to the UK and missing my daughter so much especially when she tells me that everyone is going home for a weekend and she cant do this so it’s the little things she misses and I know if we were there we would only see her every few weeks and would still miss her but somehow being so far has been so hard. She is coming to spend xmas with us and we look forward to that but I feel it will only make it worse and make us want to go back even more.
We have found a rental in Palmy which we hate as it is a back section and I didn’t realised how closed in this would make me feel and this is not why we came to NZ I’m now tied in to a 6 month contract and feeling really miserable. Our container was delayed so we were in limbo for a month before we had anything of our own around us but even now this hasn’t helped and I cant even bear to unpack the boxes they are mainly stacked in the garage and we have taken out the bare essentials. My daughter started at an Interemdiate school in the town but hated it and I had to move her to a country school where her cousins go and she is much happier. I haven’t really looked for work as I had decided that I would need this time being a single parent to help settle my daughter in etc and we are still trying to find her a high school that we feel comfortable with and running out of time as most schools have already allocated places. Luckily we have some savings which we can live off( pity about the rubbish exchange rate though!!!) I’m a social worker so don’t think it will be too difficult to find work when I’m ready and think maybe it may be great to use the summer to visit the South Island where we have not been as yet.
I am in a real dilemma at the moment as I feel we haven’t made the right decision and keep wondering if we should return to the UK but feel like a failure if we just pack up and go back .
Firstly we have sold our house in the UK and there is no way we will get back onto the London housing market – if we rent in the area we lived previously the cheapest rents for a flat will be £900 -1000pm. If we went back we would only want to go back to the area we know as I don’t want to have start all over again.
If we returned my parents would be devasted adn they need my support at the moment.
There are the costs of returning and what if we get to the UK and find that we should have stayed afterall. I am so confused I feel if we go back then all the money and time we invested will be for nothing and we will not have fulfilled our visa criteria but not sure if we will be able to stick out the two years to get this.
Has anyone come over and left a child at uni if so how did they and you cope?
Has anyone gone back after such a short time in NZ ?
Help Im so miserable - everyone in NZ is so friendly and it is a beautiful country im trying to get out each day to enjoy some of this beauty to try to help me feel more postive about this move but when I return home all i can think of is I want to go back to the UK.
Bernie
arrived September 2010 - Palmerston North