Private school vs. Public

[Sam B]

That facinates me, it must put so much pressure on young people, and take all the fun out of what are, essentially, hobbies - extra-curricular activities that should be part of your relaxation time. Do most American's just accept it is so? I really value time for my kids to just chill out, and even be bored, because that is when they usually discover their imaginations. As a parent you must have to spend your whole time co-ordinating your child's sporting and other events calendar to ensure they are doing enough? Does the system make it hard for young people from deprived backgrounds and poorer schools to get to top unis?

Sorry to hijack the thread a bit, I just find this very interesting.

[Sam B]

Grrr, just noticed I put an apostrophe in Americans when I shouldn't have. I hate misplaced apostrophes!!

[seattle]

actually- i don't think we americans just "accept" it- most just don't know any better...We knew we were overscheduled and busy when we were in the U.S. but it wasn't until we moved to Europe for an expat assignment that we gained a different perspective. Our kids are still busy and involved in a lot but not nearly as much or the same level of competition as they were at home. There are differing "professional" opinions and studies that have been done on the overscheduled, overachieving environment in the U.S. A recent article in Time magazine concluded that its not as bad as some people have claimed- different reasons-for example- kids are kept busy thus keep out of trouble etc. The article claimed its the parents who get the raw deal because they are the ones that are at the mercy of their kids busy schedules, driving everywhere, coordinating schedules, etc. But you do see kids that are forced to narrow their choices at an early age- and you also see families that can never sit down for dinner together during the week since they are super busy w/their activities. Also we experienced the "divide and conquer" syndrome where my husband would be going one way on weekends to one of my daughter's tournament and I would be going somewhere else for my other daughter's games. (then poor kid #3 is just dragged around to their siblings games/practices). We have lots of friends in America who are perfectly happy w/all of these activities and love staying busy. Its a type of "culture"- a lot of weekend socializing with other parents at their children's games, swim meets, etc. I've personally had enough of this craziness and I think my kids have realized they have too- especially when they recieve emails from their friends in the U.S. saying they have 2 soccer games, swim clinic and lacrosse practice all in the same day!

And Jen is absolutely right about the "resume" needed to get into a top university (and don't forget to add the charity work as well...) But that being said, there are a lot of options for great programs in universities that aren't the ivy league or other top tier schools. (that aren't considered "rubbish" colleges) And the high schools have counselors on staff who's job is to navigate students through the application process (which I've heard is still incredibly stressful for the kids- tons of essays/applications, interviews, test prep courses, etc.). A lot of universities are thinking of doing away with the S.A.T. test for admissions though- says its not fair to lower income/lower affluent applicants who can't afford SAT prep course, etc... Anyway, the whole thing can be overwhelming.

Again- thanks Jen for your posts- this is my first experience writing on a blog and I'm amazed at the weath of information and the willingness of people like you to take the time to answer questions from someone like us (or maybe that's just common for kiwis!) L

[seattle]

oops, you can tell I'm a "beginner" because I clearly don't know how to use the Smiley face icons- somehow they've ended up in some weird places in my post- sorry!

[nippa&pippa]

OMG....bit too much pressure on kids in america????

[seattle]

yep but a lot of U.S. kids don't know any better...its just a way of life. The parents who are questioning it are the ones (like me) who didn't grow up in the U.S. this way...and are wondering how it got so out of control...

[Junnifer USA]

I questioned it, and so did some of my friends. I was fed up running around in the car all afternoon and evening and then all weekend too. But when it comes to application time...not to mention scholarships!!!! there isn't much you can do about it. And, you have to compete with parents of much greater economic means. They can hire a nanny to drive and pick up, pay for private lessons, a tutor, then they get a college entrance 'consultant' who helps with the minefield of knowing what the schools are looking for in the various essays....

I actually started to get a bum knee because I was locked into on sitting position in the car, with leg angled for the excellerator peddle for so many hours of the week!

One interesting article I read said that this generation...the eldest of which are now in college and beyond...are so used to being the center of all planning, scheduling and priorities, that they are having difficulty adjusting to adulthood where you do things out of self-motivation, passion, civic duty...or rather...without the 'backing,' effort, and whirl of someone organizing and then praising them for every little award and achievement. What an adjustment it must be after school years where really nobody cares if you get another soccor certificate, another karate belt, or get to be president of the local civic club... Good for you, but your boss couldn't give a fig newton...and it doesn't get you a raise!

Of course this doesn't apply to every kid. But to many, the race towards a college application for a brand name school has consumed much of their childhood, and really all the teen years.

How about the Moms (and Dads)? What a drag. I love soccor...but i have to tell you, it became a drag. Little league was miserable. Tennis was snity. And, while I met some cool parents, they weren't my real friends. Most of the conversation was about another organized event, another coach... I red a lot of books through these periods! At least the swimming facility was warm and steamy in the winter time!

Ever sit through a weekend of chess tournaments. It is like watching paint dry! (My kid went to the US Nationals in Atlanta... he loves it...this year he is learning to play squash instead!)

Burnt Out Mom... finding a real life in NZ,
Jen

[wilson182]

This is a fastincating thread. Thanks for the insight into American life guys.

[seattle]

Hi Jen- another question- I've been hearing great things about St. Andrews but have also head it isn't as "academic" as some of the other private schools. Does your son plan to go to a University in the U.S. and if so, do you have any concerns about him coming from this school (although it does sound like he is very gifted so he probably will have no problems?) I know the question of "academics" is relative... and everyone seems to have a different opinion of each school (and I've also been hearing that the Auckland schools are "more academic"- but I appreciate your take on living in such a sprawling area- like a little Los Angeles...

thx, L

[Sam B]

I could never be a mum in America. I'm too selfish. I like doing things with my kids each w/e but it's got to be things that I like too - like going to the beach, climbing mountains etc. I could never be selfless enough to spend hours watching them do endless sports just so they could get credits for college. I can't imagine my life being like that - it's actually winding me up just thinking about it!!

I know so many successful adults who have not been to top private schools, and may not have had a particularly academic schooling - bright, well balanced people will generally do well whatever schooling they have, and childhood should be a happy time, without all the pressures and stress of adulthood, I believe.

This is not to say I think private school is a bad idea, but I think your children will do well wherever they go, because you care about them and want the best for them.