Making Good Friends...

[Tia Maria]

One of the best pieces of advice you can be given when first arriving is to 'accept every invitation', but after a while you start to feel the need to get a bit more choosy. Especially when one of your new found friends declares 'I love to stuff small animals, do you want to come see?', or 'a woman should only speak when spoken to'.

So how did you go about making really good friends? Did it take long?

Do men need to seek out good mates, or is the odd pint on a Friday enough?

If you haven't made any good friends, do you care, or are you self sufficient?

Are there many people you have deliberately distanced yourself from?

Cheers

Tia

[Georgebulldog]

I would love to make more friends, maybe it's early days I don't know but being a bit shy doesn't help, it bothers me I don't have more than a couple of friends, gets a bit lonely talking to a 3 year old all day, I'm hoping Kindy will sort this out for me & give me the opportunity to meet new friends.

It's difficult meeting someone then finding you don't have anything in common so having to pretend you lost their number, especially when they live down the same road & they have to pass your house to get anywhere

[Alive&Kicking]

Hi

This is a good subject.
Indeed, making good friends can be very hard and you need to find a way for yourself. I always thought that having children would make it easier (I do not have children) because you easily get to know a lot of people via the kids and you can choose the ones you share things in common.

I have been lucky to make some very good friends during my two years in Wellington, but now I am living in Blenheim and need to start all over again. I have to say, that I am not doing very well on that aspect here, but that's mainly because I realise I will only live in this town temporarily. And the fact that I am a student and thus have a totally different life than most of the people in my age group.

It all depends on what your perspective is, I guess.
Good luck,
Anita

[Carol]

Lindsey - kindy is a great place to make new friends..... mums tend to hang around much more than they do when their offspring go to school - so many more opps for coffee or just a chat.

I do think it takes ages to make "good" friends.
Mainly because (for me anyway)

a) GOOD friendships are built on shared experiences (both good and bad and the support that goes with them) , give and take and trust. And those things all take time.

b) You would have to be incredibly lucky just to meet someone that you click with straight away. I did happen to me though....twice...

I have made lots and lots of friends in NZ.
I feel really very lucky to have a number of special people I can call good friends here whom I would trust with my life...
One of them I met on the first day I got here. Amazing but true.
One of them I knew 30 years ago and met completely randomly on the Interislander one day.
One of them I worked with.
One I met on here.... :-)
Quite a few others I know would help me at the drop of a hat if I was in trouble and vice versa, and I just like to hang out with.

It can feel like its never going to happen but it all starts to come together in the end ....

[wilson182]

We did end up having to distance ourselves from one couple - and tbh initially I thought we were going to be great friends.

Being a working mum, most of our friends we have met through work - directly or indirectly and although we have changed jobs we have kept most of them. We also had the added bonus of OH cousins moving to Chch two years after we did. OH had not been in contact with her for over 20 years, but we all clicked straight away. I have a couple of good friends from this forum too

[mgbridges]

I do think it takes ages to make "good" friends.

a) GOOD friendships are built on shared experiences (both good and bad and the support that goes with them) , give and take and trust. And those things all take time.

Couldn't agree more!

It can feel like its never going to happen but it all starts to come together in the end ....

Oh I hope so.

Really good topic to discuss Tia (as ever). I wouldn't say I've made very many 'good' friends but I have a number of people I definitely class as friends rather than aquaintances. I have one neighbour who I describe as my 'obligatory totally mad, in your face, OTT Kiwi' because its obviously the law that you have to have at least one of those when you emigrate! I love her to bits and would be sad to think that if we hadn't purchased this house I may never have known her.

I was also very touched when I realised how many people I genuinelly (sp?) wanted to share my first birthday in NZ with and also how many of them turned up when invited.

I would say I've only deliberately distanced myself from one person but thats more to do with the fact that her DS is a bad influence on my DS and whenever they get together they wind each other up. I have found some of the mums at school quite 'clicky' but others very warm and welcoming.

Still at this stage though I really miss my friends from the UK with whom I have a history as I'm sure at the moment I'm subconciously holding back from being 100% myself with the friends I have here.

Anyway I'm rambling so I'm going to stop now...

Anneliese

[Carol]

Oh I hope so.

Anneliese

((((((hug)))))))

[mgbridges]

((((((hug)))))))

Thanks Carol! Makes me realise I DO have some GOOD friends, I may never have met some of them face to face but they've been there when I've needed them.

Thanks everyone - Tia, Milliemoo, Carol, SamB, Debbie, Caroline and Dave, FOM, Bruckner, The Hodges to name but a few! Hugs all round!

Anneliese

[Sam B]

Aww, cheers Anneliese.

Friends are still the thing I miss the most. Really good friendships are built on years of shared experiences - and often the most hilarious memories were created when you were younger and a bit madder. I'm never going to have that here, all the people I meet here will know me as the slightly more grown-up version (well.... kind of). We're never going to roll around laughing as we remember drunken nights where we did stupid things together.

I have some friends here now, some have the potential to become very good friends eventually. One needs to move down here from the Coromandel - you know who you are! But not many. No-one nearby that I could call on in a crisis. And yes, I met loads of people in the early days who just weren't me at all - it's all very well saying accept every invitation, but you do need to be a bit choosy with friends too.

[Familyofmonkeys]

Friends are still the thing I miss the most. Really good friendships are built on years of shared experiences - and often the most hilarious memories were created when you were younger and a bit madder. I'm never going to have that here, all the people I meet here will know me as the slightly more grown-up version (well.... kind of). We're never going to roll around laughing as we remember drunken nights where we did stupid things together.

Same here.....the friends you could burp or fart in front of (alcohol induced of course ) and not worry about never being invited round again

I have met some lovely people here though, whom i'd love to get together with more often....not easy with boisterous children in tow. I do worry about accepting invitations from other people, knowing the havok my kids can wreck on someone elses house in a short space of time....not for the fainheated