6 weeks in and feeling very unsettled

[leachio]

Massive hugs Bernie, read my old posts, you echo my feelings, I left a daughter, sold up, left work. We did leave NZ so don't think for a min that everyone loves it, more like everyone has a wobble now and then.

[April]

I don't have children in the UK, but I guess all feelings are worth offering at this time?

I had an utter feeling of dread as soon as I landed - after 15 years in the planning! However, when our dogs arrived that quickly subsided and all my thoughts and feelings just revolved around them and keeping them happy, which was a great relief. However, as the weeks have gone on - I do have doubts, wobbles, panics etc (especially when our money is still in the UK awaiting a better exchange - same old story). However, I try to keep myself going by taking every day anew and really thinking about and appreciating the real positives here that I personally have found.

Sometimes late at night when I'm tired I get very stressed about things, but I just try to remember silly things like how lovely and clean and safe it felt walking through town that day, how friendly and helpful the people in the shops were that day, how I actually bother going to the shops now instead of ordering online (as it's that much more pleasant), how the sun shone even though it was cold, how I don't feel the need to get dressed up to go out here, how I feel so much more relaxed about life in general, what a much more pleasant drive I had into town today compared to back home, how I can park easily and without paying everytime I go anywhere, how the local restaurants actually appreciate our business and go out of their way to make your experience a really pleasant one etc etc. Just silly things as I say, but little things that make me smile and help just a little bit.

I hope things pick up for you - you may as well really give it your all now you've made the move. Good luck with everything. xx

[sweetpea]

There is no shame in trying something and deciding you dislike it. I would stick it out for a couple more months before going back though. Your feelings may change in that time (or maybe not, but at least you gave it a shot).

Before hoofing it back to the UK, you could try moving to Wellington. Palmy is not exactly Shangri-La, even (especially?) for Kiwis.

The weather has been pretty miserable this spring -- cold and wet. Summer will be better. That may make everything a little better.

[Andy&Carol]

Bernie, like you our move from the UK to NZ took a little time and during that time our eldest son made the decision to accept a place at uni. At the time we didn’t know for sure that we’d be moving here and Ryan (22) quite rightly said that he needed to get on with his life.

It is a struggle from time to time and I can get overcome with feelings of having abandoned him. However, I have to say that as far as his personal growth is concerned he has blossomed without us around, he’s self-sufficient, independent and totally self-reliant and I often wonder if he would be the same if he had us around.

The things that help us are Skype, (although at first I couldn’t talk to him on camera because I felt so emotional) I find Facebook good for the everyday chit-chat type interactions and it helps too to see how his mates support him, we like to buy little presents to send back every now and again, I e-mail ad’s for jobs that I think will appeal to him (which he ignores!) and in spite of having very little money we fund trips for him to come over as much as possible, he visited last June and will be here for Christmas.
I’m hopeful that he’ll move over here, or Aussie, when he’s finished his studies, but who knows.

We also have a younger son (20) who has blossomed since arriving here. He has NZ foundation qualifications, is now studying Electrical Engineering, has a part-time job and has recently passed his driving test. I have no idea what he would have been doing in the UK, but he made the decision to make the move with us because “I’ve got nothing better to do”

I’ve found that people are extremely kind and understanding, my co-workers are very supportive when I have my wobbles – like the time I burst into tears when I heard a song on the radio that Ryan used to practice so much on the guitar it would drive me crazy, and the time I burst into tears in a gift shop when I read a sentimental poem on a card!

It’s not an ideal situation, but for us life in NZ is good and we feel that it’s the right place for us.

My best advice to you is to do what feels right for you and your family.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you.

One final thing, Lifeline NZ provide free telephone counselling there’s always someone there on the end of the phone and it’s a great way to explore your feelings, 0800 543354.

All best wishes, Carole

p.s. message me if you like
p.p.s. I notice that you are a Social Worker. I don’t know what age group you work with but I work for Barnardos and they are AWESOME!

[britzy]

I spent a whole year very unsettled and desperate to go home,I understand how you feel all I can say is that time is a healer.Take care.

[nickydwuk]

We left our oldest son in the UK an after 6 months my daughter returned to the UK. Prior to leaving my daughter had been at Uni for a year and we had the 'empty nest' syndrome then. It was difficult and even moeso when 12,000 miles separates you. Unfortunatley we also battled with homesickness as all our family were in the UK except for us an our younger 2 boys so we opted to return ( at a huge cost). We havenow settled and bought a house and I am working but we now wonder if we made the right decision - should we have given things more time? My daughter is talking about possibly returning to NZ as is one of our younger boys at some time in the future. All I will say is that it is tough but you do have support that some of us didn't have (family in NZ) but that probably does not make it easier. We not only missed family but we missed 'britishness' if there is such a thing. The things we remembered fondly about the UK were not so great when we returned. But we have made our beds and now have to lie in them. Working and trying to get involved in community will help as you will get to meet more people. We decided after 4 months - hopefully by this time you will have settled. Good luck in whatever you decide.