Kids and the Earthquake

[Tia Maria]

How's everyone handling talking to their kids about the Earthquake?

Mine are all 10yrs and younger so I find I'm always walking a fine line between keeping them informed and aware of what others are going through and trying not to give them nightmares.

They've had some pretty tricky questions about the news coverage too...

How about those with kids in the earthquake zone yet - how are they dealing with it all?

[benandclare]

We've joanne100's kids here and once the ps3 and laptops were set they were sorted 12, 14 and 17

[Dave in NZ]

We've joanne100's kids here and once the ps3 and laptops were set they were sorted 12, 14 and 17

now thats really weird, i was just going to ask on the other thread if anyone had heard from Joanne 100 and you have answered my question Ben and Clare

[Georgebulldog]

I've just read my friends FB page, her daughter was mines best friends & they moved to Christchurch just before the start of term, apparently she can't be left alone & wont go to her bedroom alone poor thing, she's 5. Too young to understand I think

[girlwithanewf]

That's a very good point there, Tia. It is important not to stress them out too much but then they have to be aware of what to do should it happen to them. I think schools are probably handling it well, my daughter's school has asked us to send in a tin of food which can be eaten cold and $10 to go towards emergency equipment. They are also making sure all emergency contacts are up to date. There are a few children starting next week who have come here from Christchurch.
As for children such as Mamee & Co's who lived through it, I can't begin to imagine what they are experiencing.

[Mamee & Co]

I have to admit that mine are pretty level headed but stress is showing itself. They are fighting more than normal and want to sleep in the same room as us. They admit that they were scared that we had both died at the start. They also chose to sleep in the car on Tuesday night. We are being as honest as we can be with them about what has happened and why the earth moves. They have lived through an earthquake before. Wii and DS's are great for distraction (as is the internet for me). However they are level headed enough not to jump at every quake (well, we have had a lot over the last few months!) they also say that they feel safe. We have talked about those not making it and also about their wee friend, who lives about 4 doors down the road whose house will need demolished.

All of us are fragile, the children as well. We are trying to keep a brave face for the kids and not be scared but look forward. I am hoping that the boys will be back at school shortly with their friends as I feel that it is important that they have the peer support of their friends, although they are heading to Nelson for a wee while and can attend school there too.

It is big, but we have suffered no loss of life, and that is what we concentrate on and the kindness of all those who are helping us...and being more lenient, but trying to keep certain boundaries there....however we may yet have delayed effects as it has taken me a while to cry and last night I was crying in the night....and I didn't go through the worst of the quake like my OH. So we are waiting and letting them talk..when it comes it is generally an odd sentence or two from them..and we react accordingly.

[JandM]

Talking as former teacher here... Children pick up a lot of emotional reaction from their parents and carers, so it's going to help them a lot if those around them take a calm, planned approach. Try not to burden them with worst-case scenarios. Get into reacting appropriately to what IS, with practical, pre-discussed plans in place, rather than agonizing in front of them over what might be, or might have been.

We've just had word from friends who were in the recent quake, and are still at home, 'living like pioneers', with their children, 12, 7 and 5.

For us, the experience of the quake itself was fun: we'd just finished teaching our second ever art class in a smallish prefabricated timber room. There were a bunch of glass jars falling at my feet, but only half a dozen broke, the rest of the classroom was relatively bare. Our five year old was hauled off his feet in the car park, but he thought it was funny. Several thin cracks opened up in the car park and sand and water oozed out. The boys hovered around them going "Coool!" and "Wow!"

[JandM]

Simulpost, Mamee. ((()))

It sounds as though you're doing entirely the right things. Thinking of you, and everyone else there.

[sophiedb]

DD is doing very well, I think. She mentions the bigbigBIG earfquakes now and then, but not with any terror in her voice - probably partway between too young to understand and young enough to take it in her stride I suppose. She also told us off for taking a long time to come and get her (sorry sweetheart, I had 7km to walk..), and now seems to think that earthquakes happen when the planet farts (thank you childminder's neighbour, who watched them while childminder rushed to get her oldest child from school).

The aftershocks are fine by her too, mostly - she looks at us very seriously and says, "Dat was a small earfquake. Everyfing is ok. Are you ok, Mummy?" You can't help but smile at that But she does wake up more often at night, and likes snuggling in with us in the morning..

I think the ECE and schools must have done a fab job of prepping kids for something like this. Nothing is perfect, but for the most part I'm seeing happy children round here... though we are in one of the least damaged suburbs. Books like "Quaky Cat" surely helped too.

big hugs to all xx

[Familyofmonkeys]

Although we're no longer living near Christchurch, I feel the need to contribute to this discussion.....I've had a few vino's so excuse me in advance if I ramble on a bit

We hopped onto a plane to Auckland, 3 days after the September earthquake. During and after the earthquake we had been extremely calm and organised and just did what needed to be done. Our kids were initially fine as we had practiced what we'd do in an earthquake, and they coped extremely well. As soon as it was daylight they wanted us to find their books on earthquakes & volcanoes, to discuss the pictures and try and make sense of what had happened. However, after 3 days of aftershocks and disturbed sleep (we were 2km away from the epicentre of the 7.1 quake) they became terribly distressed.....in fact hysterical, to the point where we slept in the car. They were too scared to go inside the house the next morning, not even to use the toilet, so as OH's office was also damaged we got on a plane to Auckland within 2 hours. By the time we arrived in Auckland a couple of hours later our youngest child (then 3 1/2) had developed severe flu like symptoms so we rushed him to the Dr's, whi advised us it was actually a stress reaction and we were told that he was at a difficult age, being old enough to clearly remember the experience but not yet able to articulate his feelings well or ask the right questions to make any sense of it. The Dr also spent a loooong time explaining to me about delayed stress reactions that can happen weeks or even months later, and not to overlook any odd behaviour my children might suddenly develop. It took us over a month of him sleeping with us before he would start sleeping in his own bed again and he now has a need to know exactly where every family member is each day, or he becomes very anxious. He also refers to our old house as 'the shakey house'. Now, 6 months later, my oldest child (nearly 8) is terrified of the dark. So much so that she has to sleep with her bedroom curtains open in case the power (and landing light) goes out, and she won't even walk from her bedroom lightswitch to her bed in the semi-dark. She had frequent nightmares for the first couple of months too, but these became less frequent with time. My middle child (nearly 6) hasn't been able to go to the toilet by himself without someone else close by...the result of going through a large aftershock while in the bathroom. He has finally got to the point where he no longer needs a 'toilet buddy' at school, but is still too scared to go by himself once it gets dark in the evening.

After all this, our instinct is to protect our kids from further upset by shielding them away from news of the recent earthquake. But this isn't an ideal world, and we can't wrap our kids in cotton wool. They have talked about it at school and are asking for donations, and our kids go to St. Johns, where this week they have done an impromptu session on dealing with emergencies, which my kids have found very reassuring. We have been very careful to talk to our children honestly, but sensitively about what has happened. They know people many people have died and are injured. They know many friends now have damaged homes and many of the favourite places we used to visit are now rubble in the streets. They've asked a lot of difficult questions that they didn't ask first time around, as well as feeling the need to discuss their (still very vivid) memories of last September. We've shown them pictures of the ruined Cathedral and the streets in the CBD.....however we will not let them watch the news on TV because it is too graphic.