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Thread: persuading my teenage son

  1. #1
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    Default persuading my teenage son

    hi there
    anyone made the move with teenagers, my son is 16 and is digging his heels in about a move, just need a bit of info on whats going on for kids his age, hoping to move to North Shore area, any advice much appreciated.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by martyb125 View Post
    hi there
    anyone made the move with teenagers, my son is 16 and is digging his heels in about a move, just need a bit of info on whats going on for kids his age, hoping to move to North Shore area, any advice much appreciated.
    There are already some posts on this; worth searching for them.

    Our son was 18 when my family came here following me. And he couldn't stand it. Finally we agreed that he would go back and basically living on his own; some relatives helping him. So he left our house a little bit earlier than expected and by far over a larger distance.
    (Currently he is doing his 'overseas experience' here whilst studying for one semester before happily going back.)

    Being 16 is different and also the personal circumstances will be.

  3. #3
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    What are his interests? - that might help people to help you.

  4. #4
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    We moved with 3 teenagers. The youngest was too young to stay in the UK alone. The older 2 came over on the understanding that they could return if they wanted. My older daughter got a job and made a life but returned due to 'boyfriend' issues. My other son - 16 at the time - got it into his head he did not want to go and was only persuaded by the thought that he could come back a year later and return to college in the UK. During his whole time in NZ he did not try to integrate and spent a lot of time at home with his dad and the dogs. Now we are back in the UK he regrets his decision to come back and to not make the most of his time there. We will be going back sometime in the next few years and he is already planning to train in a job that will enable him to go back - on his own if necessary - as he realises it is the better place for him. The only advice I can give you is to keep the communication channels open and look for compromises. Once there he may well find he was making a big deal out of nothing. Good luck

  5. #5
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    I also agree... it depends on the individual and the circumstances. We are one of those "blended" families and have just submitted out EOI with our 16 yr old son and 17 yr old -my step daughter. Both are eager to go and I think what has helped us is we have been talking about it for a few years now with both of them. OH and I went on a recce about 2 years ago and brought lots of stuff back with us to show them (pictures, done a bit of teen shopping for them while there, researched their interests and what was available there, etc. etc.) and talked about our experiences while there. We know exactly where we want to move, so we bought books on the area, researched high schools there and showed them the links. Inidividually, they have both followed up independently with other research. We've talked about opportunities for both of them, lifestyle, schooling, quality of life, etc... how it's the same, how it's different. We haven't pushed either of them, but simply said that we love them, really want them to come with us but ultimately it will be their decision as we don't want to force them. We talked about alternatives if they decided not to come as well.
    My son has been on board since the beginning.. really excited, but also nervous about the move... was most worried about him as he's very social and has lots of friends here... but tried to use that as a positive for the move. He's been talking about it with his friends now and they're excited for him, so that also helps. They've already started to plan his 'goodbye' party when the time comes. They will keep in touch through Skype and FB.
    SD thought about it, wants to come but wants to finish her high school here as she has a work experience placement she wants to complete during her final year..but she's on board and is already planning out her post-secondary schooling in NZ.
    I think the trick is to keep positive, focus on the opportunities, talk about their anxieties and fears and try to keep it balanced. It's been hard to not 'push' NZ as OH and I are very excited about it, but I think that's really helped.
    Anyway, hope this helps. :-)

  6. #6
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    @ralph nz, thanks will search this topic

    @ jandm - he loves to play football and wants to join police was kinda hoping there would be cadetships to help persuade him

    @ nickydwuk thanks for the advice, this sounds like it could be the way he would be if we actually got him there....how come u guys ended up back in uk ............if its not too personal, and take it your son will be happy to make move with you again


    @Angjones - great advice its really hard not to push something(NZ) upon them at that age because they thinkthey know best ans their friends are so important to them
    good luck with your plans

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by martyb125 View Post
    @ralph nz, thanks will search this topic

    @ nickydwuk thanks for the advice, this sounds like it could be the way he would be if we actually got him there....how come u guys ended up back in uk ............if its not too personal, and take it your son will be happy to make move with you again

    We came back 'cos we 'missed' family - the usual. We realise now we never gave it long enough. We were all struggling, DD was heartbroken, eldest son did not want to be there and we were both unhappy. Now we are back and what we thought we missed is not here so we are biding our time before we come back. Both sons and DD will come with us - DD is about to qualify as a teacher and as I said eldest son is due to start training in Sept for a job that is on LTSSL so we should be ok. NZ is where our home is after all!!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by nickydwuk View Post
    We came back 'cos we 'missed' family - the usual. We realise now we never gave it long enough. We were all struggling, DD was heartbroken, eldest son did not want to be there and we were both unhappy. Now we are back and what we thought we missed is not here so we are biding our time before we come back. Both sons and DD will come with us - DD is about to qualify as a teacher and as I said eldest son is due to start training in Sept for a job that is on LTSSL so we should be ok. NZ is where our home is after all!!
    Your circumstances sound pretty much like ours...we stayed (only there 9 months), although I loved it, my hubby became unwell, went back to Oz for medical treatment and missed family, realised about a month after we were back it was the wrong thing to do!

    Thankfully medical treatment is going well so that is the upside, so you never know what the future holds..

  9. #9
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    nickydwuk & moz, sounds like a familiar story for those that return, myself included. Good luck next time around

  10. #10
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    Quick update on this - not sure whats changed his mind but last night he said its what he wants.......i know they change their minds ALL the time..............but am hoping he can hold on to this way of thinking til i get a job offer - talking of which anyone know anyone who needs a graphic designer, medical photographer, multi media expert, IT (beginner), general all round good guy???!!! Then i could REALLY get things moving........its a long shot but hey you never know.

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