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Thread: Scared of leaving family

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    119

    Default Scared of leaving family

    I'd like to preface this post by saying that I am very excited about our move and am 100% convinced that it is the right thing for us to do.

    As we get nearer to leaving in August I've started to worry about how much I will miss my family. I'm one of 6 children and we are very close. We see each other regularly and I count them among my best friends. I have a niece who isn't 2 yet and another one on the way (different sibling) and am worried that my life will become divorced from that of my family. Whilst we will be trying to settle in NZ, meeting new people and making a life for ourselves they will be getting on with theirs without us.

    What are other poeples experiences of dealing with this? Is there any way to make it easier?

    I am at least grateful that with modern technology like skype and fast jumbo jets the world is a smaller and more connected place.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    35,985

    Default

    I am at least grateful that with modern technology like skype and fast jumbo jets the world is a smaller and more connected place.
    YES.

    A way to make it easier? - apart from using the technology, which eases things a bit, in my experience, no.

    In our case, our son's family are the ones in NZ, and nothing we do can make things the same as if they were nearer. Yes, we do the phonecalls and the skype, but it's not the same as being able to be spontaneous about meeting up, or being on hand to help out (in either direction). We miss them, and I often think about the might-have-beens, but there it is. Like I've often posted on here when people are getting edgy waiting for INZ to do something, I concentrate on living fully what I've got NOW, and enjoying that. It's not the same as it would be if they were here, but it's doable. Your life won't be the same either, but go for making it a good one (and you'll have lots to tell whenever you're in touch).

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    119

    Default

    It's comforting to hear that people do make it work and are happy with the choices they have made. I completely agree that you should always try and make the most of whats in front of you.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Nrth Wellington from Tadley UK
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    1,605

    Default

    I would say be prepared for all eventualities. Family that you think would stay in touch may not, like you say they have their own lives to be getting on with. I've found,through Facebook, I have more friends in touch with me now than family. Flights are expensive, esp if you have children & you will have your life here to be spending your money on so may find you don't have the cash to fly back as often as you want. You may be lucky & they keep in good contact, it depends on the family but I know I've stressed over it for too long now & after 3 years I'm relaxing on it a bit more with the "it's up to them" attitude. It would be worth reading the threads on here about how people have settled & what they have gone through as I think you may have a hard time (if I was you I would, I mean by that) but like others can get through it & have a fantastic life here. Hopefully someone may come along & post the threads I've read in the past, I'll try & have a look too.
    I hope this doesn't sound too negative I just say it how it is but it's not like that for all
    Good luck

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Posts
    28

    Default

    Hi there,

    Were also making the move in August and agree it will be tough to leave family and friends behind. I know it is all part of it but the reality does make you think. Im more than sure were doing the right thing, were doing what is best for us and our future. Just hink about why you wanted to go in the first place? What part of NZ are you moving to? Were off to Auckland! Best of luck x

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    United Kingdom
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    119

    Default

    Hi, thanks for the reply. We're looking at Auckland at the moment - best for jobs for both of us! Good luck to you too.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    48

    Default

    Hi mptophan,
    Thank you for honest and very important post !
    I'm about to arrive to Auckland in May and among other problems. leaving your family behind is the painful one.
    Technological solutions like skype can help but will not replace family table on weekend and of course mutual help and support. I have no solution for it so far and it hurts ((
    However I frequently ask myself (at least 5 times a day): suppose I give up the immigration idea and keep living my life the way they are, will I forgive to myself for not using this oportunity ?
    Another strong claim : If new place will suit our expectations and we feel like it 's our home, the rest of the family memebrs will join us ? May be , may be, may be...
    Let's jump into the water !!!!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Dunedin NZ
    Posts
    112

    Default

    We have about a month to go and are going through the same emotions. Just been to deliver my mother in laws birthday present and the pair of us have come home in a sad depressed mood, it sucks big time but is something we all have to deal with however we can. I think its harder making the move the second time for family as your not going into the unknown and might be less likley to return home.
    At the moment I feel selfish and that I am a bad daughter but its something we have to do

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Manchester > Now Tauranga
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    4,393

    Default

    The bigger family IMHO helps. If something happens in the UK then you know there are 4/5 other siblings there to be on hand whilst you're travelling. No-one's on their own.

    As an only brat then I'm very very aware that should anything happen to either of my parents then the other one is going to be sat there on their own for 48 hours until I get back.

    My wife is one of 3 with lots of close cousins (Devon connections, what can you say ;-) ). She's managing OK via skype and much that it pains me, then Facebook.

    So that' doesn't help in as much as pointing out that someone else may be in a worse situation, but the overall point is that it's an issue that faces everyone who moves. It's a real issue, and there's certainly some that don't thrive with that physical separation and end up moving back. But there's many that do stay. As far as I can tell on the forum over the past few years then the biggest factor is how many connections you make over here, and how long it takes ot build that network of friends / support over here. Not how many / how close the bonds were in the UK.

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