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Thread: Family issue re visiting

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    UK to USA to Waikato, NZ
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    Default Family issue re visiting

    Moved over here recently and have family coming to visit in 2012. Sister and partner(whom I have yet to meet in person) and Mum(Dad turned weird and will not fly any more).
    Sister's partner suggests that my Mum comes with them(!!!!!!) together so she does not have to travel alone from UK.
    Whilst that is a really sweet (if a bit strange) idea this was before even talking to us about it.
    My husband and I are less than enthusiatic about this idea.

    We are renting a 4 bd house with 2 bthrooms. 1 bd for kids, 1 bd for us, 1 for study and 1 for playroom. We can move playroom into living area and out up bed in there , no issue, but then if we have someone else we have to put someone else on an inflateable in living/dining /kitchen area(open plan) for a month ish. Thus they will woken up by kids who are up at 6 am every morning!, and kids stuff will be everywhere in living area (which is no issue) on top of mattress etc.(combined = issue)

    Other issue is I see 2 different types of holidays. My sister and her partner, hubby and I are planning on doing some active stuff (underwater rafting etc) whilst kids in school in day and can't see Mum doing that! Mum's visit I see as a little more sedentary and more about spending time with greandkids , driving around seeing area etc. Plus 5 adults =2 cars, not 1.

    Plus my hubby will kill my Mum being in that small a space for that long. So I talked to sister this am and asked her to rebroach this with Mum.

    Any thoughts?

    Am I being selfish? I cannot see disrupting our lives for that long esp with 2 young and active kids.

    Thanks.


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
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    Waikato
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    Default

    No, you're being sensible. All this is best dealt with now before tickets are booked. 3 guests is hard work, let alone 3 with different ideas and plans for the trip.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    No, I don't think you're selfish - you're being realistic.

    You may not have seen this old thread with some somewhat related matters in. http://www.enz.org/forum/archive/index.php/t-33480.html

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
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    Default

    Thank you!

    My sister was pretty suprised that I would have a problem with that arrangement and her patner had obviously not thought about the logistics when he made the offer, although I think he should have asked us first!

    I am going to make sure my Mum knows that she can get assistance at the airport to change flights and that she needs to fly San Fran, not LA and that I will meet her in AKL, hopefully that will relax her a bit.

    I just want 2 great holidays but not everyone all at once. We also have 2 other sets of friends coming next yr.

    Wonder why we are so popular????


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    UK to Roto-Vegas
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    Default

    I totally agree with you and here's why - in september my parents, sister and her boyfriend (of 7 years, they're grown-ups) visited for two weeks.

    Unless my husband was off work and was able to come with us it was a very tight squeeze in the car.

    My dad is an old fart and complains about the simplest of exercises, while my sister and her boyfriend were up for anything that involved getting out there and being active.

    There were times when it was a nightmare and I wanted to curl in a ball and wish they weren't all here at once.

    We coped fine in the house because we have four bedrooms and there was just the two of us.

    Good luck!

    PS I met my sister's boyfriend two days before our wedding as they had met when I had just left the country so I know what you're feeling about meeting a significant other for the first time.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    although I think he should have asked us first!
    Of course he should - you don't make arrangements FOR somebody else's household without asking them unless it's a huge emergency, and even then you'd need to apologise and check details with them asap.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    London > Auckland
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    Default

    As everyone else has said, you are not being selfish, you are doing the right thing. Everyone will be better off if the visits are separate. Logistics are everything!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
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    Poole, UK to Chch, NZ
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    Default

    My parents arrive this coming week for 3 months, and lil bro & SiL arrive just before Xmas for a mere fortnight. As with you, their idea of a holiday will differ, but at least we talked that part out before anyone booked flights

    We'll all spend one week in a large "bach" in Queenstown, and the week at our place will be cramped.. but manageable for 1 week. A month?? *shudder*

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
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    North Canterbury, NZ
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    You're not being selfish-you're being kind! When a visit goes on for too long, is too cramped and/or doesn't meet everyone's expectations-all are left with a bad taste and because you won't see each other again for some time this bad feeling will linger for some time. We so wish that we'd qualified the last visit that our parents made. It didn't go well (as we'd guessed, given the time, space and expectations) but didn't say anything because we thought that would be rude. That would have been nothing compared to what happened......

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Nelson
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    163

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    You can't just stop there! What did happen? I just have to know!

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