Aggressive baby in daycare

[NicoleLoh]

Hi,

Have no luck of getting any PORSE home educator in my area now, and found a daycare nearby that is quite good (with my gut feeling), I decided to put my 14 months old DD in this daycare few days a week for a month while I'm looking for a job and permanent rental. Went for a transition visit at the daycare this morning, everything seems to b good, all the carers are friendly and nice, but there were some incidents troubling me, a baby boy 'attacked' my DD twice even he can only crawl, he tried to pull my DD down while she's standing, 1st time failed when my DD screamed and I separated them because the carer was not around, 2nd time he succeeded pulling her down and tried to bite her on her face, although the carer carried the baby away, there's saliva all over DD's face and she's stunned.
I'm quite surprised bcoz it's the first time I've met aggressive baby, I know I shouldn't be too protective abt my DD, just want to know if any parents here have similar experience and how you handled it?

I start to hesitate whether I shd start my baby in daycare now or later when I hv a permanent rental, because 1)It takes time for DD to get attachment and build trust with the carers, changing daycare after 1 month means DD needs to start all these again, seems to b too much adapting she needs to do especially we just arrive in a new country 2)Although I can start job hunting earlier, but it might b on expense of a biting scar on DD face . Any opinions?

Regards,
Nicole

[Mamee & Co]

Hi Nicole,

What a start to day care for you! I can well imagine your shock when you are only used to dealing with a single child at home.

I speak here as a Mum of twin boys, who had biting babies. They started about a year old. First of all it is not aggression, it is language and the stage of brain development a child is at. It takes until a child is about 3 years old to be able to control these impulses, which arise out of a failure to be able to adequately communicate.

The careers should be used to dealing with these behavior issues, as they are typical in young children, some bite, some hit, some kick, some hair pull.

As an adult you can only tell them it is naughty every time they do it, I used corner time, but until the lobes of the brain develop enough it is hard for the child to stop the impulse which leads to the act. My boys bit each other, and occasionally would bite other children, not out of badness, but out of frustration. With each other by the time they were 18 months they would stand themselves in the corner as soon as I looked at them, knowing it was naughty but unable to contain the initial impulse to do it. It died off about two plus years of age, resurged for a couple of months when they had chickenpox and by the time they were three it was over.

Whether to use the childcare is an awkward one...some forms of antisocial behaviour will happen with children that age whatever style of care you use. What you need to be happy about it appropriate carer intervention to minimize damage. Maybe have a chat with the carers about the strategies they use.

As to scarring, although mine looked bruised at the time, and occasionally drew blood, they never scarred. It was an awful phase of toddlerhood, but does not continue as they get older in
most children.

[smith2182]

Hi,
Sorry to hear about your experience!!! I know when I was interviewing childminders 6 years ago for my first daughter I interviewed 4-5 before I hit jackpot and in the end I went with my 'gut feeling' So the question should really be - 'what's your gut telling you??' Also trust your instinct, it will never let you down!
Nicky

[dharder]

I'm sorry to hear your child has had a bad experience in childcare.

A couple of thoughts, though.

If you decide to bring this up with the daycare, I would personally not be comfortable with the use of the terms 'aggressive' and 'attacking' in connection with a baby. We are talking about an infant here, this behaviour is within the normal range of behaviour for infants, and I doubt very much that a baby is able to have any vicious intent as the words 'aggressive baby attacking' would imply.

Also, to be honest, this happens. Sometimes you're the parent of the child that is bitten, and sometimes you are the parent of child that does the biting. The important thing here, as mentioned above, is not what the baby did but how the staff reacted. Did they seem calm and in control, confident as to how to deal with this, firm but kind? You will always have children that don't behave in a way that you expect them to, but that doesn't mean this isn't expected (not in the sense of 'desireable', but as something that happens). I am always more interested in how the adults deal with this than the actual behaviour of the child, as I think that tells you a lot more about the environment.

Good luck with this!

Daniela

[Familyofmonkeys]

Agree with biting being a normal phase for some children. My daughter was a very gentle natured toddler, but at about 15 months old she once retaliated and bit a boy on the nose after he pushed her off a piece of play equipment. It was simply frustration and not malice. The nursery staff handled the incident very well.
Both my boys were in the habit of biting each other out of frustration when they squabbled, and my youngest was still doing this occasionally until he turned 4, despite being reprimanded after each incident. None of them have any scars from being bitten multiple times. It is embarrasing having to apologise to another parent after your child has bitten another child, but generally the only ones who get wound up about this are those with only one child. Parents with more than one child very quickly realise that it is impossible to be looking in every direction at the same time and intercept every bit of undesirable behaviour, and nursery staff are in exactly the same situation. If the environment is loving and caring and you are satisfied the health & safety boxes are all ticked, I would not worry too much about it. Perhaps ask the staff to keep an eye on how your daughter interacts with that particular baby in future.

[NicoleLoh]

Mamee, Familyofmonkeys, Daniela,
Thanks for your replies, it's very relieving to hear from mothers with more than one kid that the incident is normal, even I used to bring DD to playgroup often, it was a short time like 45 mins and all the parents are with the kids, that could be why I've never had that experience , and I'm afraid I have stronger separation anxiety than DD now.
Sorry for the words used like aggressive and attack, the baby is very strong and acts very fast, thought 'attack' illustrates the scene better , it was the carer saying the baby is known aggressive and he pulls hair and bites a lot, newbie is his favorite, I didn't say tat . Well, serious one, will mind the words i use in future as I'd be upset too if ppl describes my DD aggressive and I also believe baby won't hv bad intention. Thanks so much for the adult reaction part, because I noticed the carer was calm and in control of the situation when it happened but didn't really appreciate it... may b i was just too anxious...


Nicky,
Thanks for the support n sharing, yeah....I hv to decide with my 'gut feeling' now....hope it works!

[Azkateaz]

It's definitely normal. My girls were never the biters, but with each of them it was their favorite playmates who bit. I think you'll find this in every center so your connection with the teacher and your trust in their reactions is definitely the way to go!

It is definitely hard leaving them in a new place when you don't have those high trust levels established.

[Kea]

I agree with the previous posters- how the nursery deal with this is a really good indication of how good they are. My daughter was a biter and her nursery dealt with it very well.

Apart from one staff member, none of them made me feel guilty about it and they had a good policy in place. Mum's were notified if their child was bitten and they talked to me about how I should handle it. They spoke to DD and would separate her from the group if need be. They watched her carefully and at one stage gave her a 'spotter' who kept a very close eye and intercepted. They also moved her up an age group early so she wasn't biting babies.

I would speak to the nursery and ask what they will do. I've found developing relationships with the team there very useful- as a first time mum they can give me guidance. And I think it helps the relationship between them and DD. It's nice to have other people around who spend a lot of time with her and are trained to pick up any problems early on.