Advice on Timing of the move

[JesseP]

Hi there

I am a kiwi with a US born wife who is 4 months pregnant with our first child. We are very keen to head home to NZ and to set up a more settled life back there. However I'm looking for a bit of advice, do we come now (we would land in about 2-3 months when she is 6-7 months pregnant) and settle in before the baby arrives or should we wait until the baby is say 6 months old and then come?

I worried that with the move, my wife being in a new place and all that comes with that, as well the shock of having an new born will be too much stress for her. On the other hand it might be best to get there and get settled now rather than comeover with a 6 month old which might be equally or more as daunting.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

[Dell]

Do you have medical insurance that will cover all of the maternity and delivery bills in the U.S if you have the baby before leaving for NZ? And do you want the baby to have U.S. citizenship? If you have the baby in NZ, will your baby be eligible for U.S. citizenship through the mother, 'by right of descent' as we can in NZ? If your child is born in the U.S. you can pass on your Kiwi citizenship to the baby by right of descent.

[dede]

Travelling with a baby is a doddle once you get through security. But with a whole bunch of stuff on the plane? You need to be organized! I'd really look into the US thing as there are a lot of tax implications (US taxes on worldwide income and IRS make attack dogs look like puppies). We didn't mind having our kids here and we became citizens because we were really not attached to the UK anymore and would likely end up in a place with a tax treaty. However, Nipper 1 wants to be a pilot (this month). Having US citizenship will help (plus UK and maybe NZ one day).

[JandM]

I worried that with the move, my wife being in a new place and all that comes with that, as well the shock of having an new born will be too much stress for her. On the other hand it might be best to get there and get settled now rather than comeover with a 6 month old which might be equally or more as daunting.

It is good that you are concerned for your wife. On the other hand, being pregnant has not removed her power of thought.

Ask her what she would like to do!

And above all, don't you, or don't let anyone, override whatever it is she would prefer on specious grounds such as, 'Well, her hormones, you know - she'll thank you later,' because that's the kind of patronizing twaddle that is most annoying and likely to cause stress to anyone expecting a baby.

[G-Mo]

Have the child in the US, immediately apply for the child's NZ citizenship by birth. Travel to NZ before the child can walk, or wait until the child is 2+, flying with a toddler (especially 12+ hours) can be a nightmare??!

[dede]

Can be???? oooohhhh...don't remind me. Shiver. Thank goodness my kids are older now. Just about everything (especially travel) gets easier as they get older. <6 months and you can put them in a bassinet on the place. Very handy indeed unless there is turbulence. Book far enough in advance and you get some leg room. For kids > 18 months the best thing that ever happened to traveling parents is for you : the iPad. No hunting for crayons, less screaming, less kicking the chairs in from of you ("sorry. I *am* trying to stop him kicking you"). But between 6 mths - 18 mths? Absolute nightmare.

[ralf-nz]

...as well the shock of having an new Born...

I cannot really help you with your actual problem but I'm wondering why you use the word 'shock'?!

[JesseP]

Thank you all. Some very helpful advice here. We looked into the citzenship and tax thing. It appears from my research that a baby born overseas but to an american born mother will get citizenship and all the tax issues that go with that! J and m - My wife (unusually for her) does not have a strong opinion either way!! To ralf-NZ, poor choice of words I guess! However I'm kind of anticipating, while this will be the most fantastic experience having our first child im sure its a pretty sudden life change!

[expatella]

Having a baby represents a big change in a couple. You know each others as partners but not as parents yet. Sometimes, it is very unpredictable how you or the other will react after the baby is born.
Also, you never know who your baby will be.
My baby was very challenging. He never slept the promised 16 to 20 hours a day and cried a lot and for long months.
For this reason, I was happy I was in my own town at the time. Dealing with the baby was hard enough and I was glad I did not have to get used to a new culture at the same time. I was in my own environment and despite all this, I was feeling really alone.

Now you might have a baby similar to those described in the books and I wish you so. In this case, you're wife might be more happy to build her network of moms and habits with a new born. Every one talks to you when you are pregnant or carrying a baby wich in some case can lead to social opportunities.

Should the baby be a sibling, I would rather do the move before the baby is born. I'd rather build my nest where our family has decided to settle. Dealing with a move can be stressful and having children to look after on top of it can be overwhelming.

It is not an easy decision to make.
Some additional point you might want to consider could be:
- would you have family/friends to help you on both sides or only one?
- what is the temperature like in both places when the birth is due? I was glad my baby was born in summertime. It really makes your life easier to be able to put nearly no clothe to a new born when your not yet very comfortable with tiny baby clothes.

All what was said regarding travelling with a little one is also what I experienced. We crossed the Atlantic when our baby was 4 months old and it was pretty easy. Then it was complicated especially when he could not walk yet and wanted to discover and touch pretty much everything. Then it was fine again around 2 years old. I keep a very good memory of a 30 hours journey (3 planes and a boat) when our son was 2 1/2 years old.