Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Husband having a serious wobble!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    98

    Default Husband having a serious wobble!

    Has anyone any experience of their other half having serious doubts?? What did you do? What are the questions we need to asking ourselves! Things seemed to have moved really quickly from getting the LTBV to the offer on the sale of our house and the enormity of what we are doing with two children in tow is beginning to sink in! What to do??

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    California to Windy Wellington
    Posts
    148

    Default

    What are the doubts about.. just the move in general?! if he is scared of the uncertainty of a move or lifestyle change, that's normal. If you step back and really look at your life, what is guaranteed? Are we guaranteed to be alive tomorrow? Are we guaranteed that we will be healthy tomorrow? Is your job absolutely 100% secure? Nothing in this life is certain... For us, our move is a HUGE change of lifestyle, and we want our kids to see that there is more to life than acquiring belongings, living in the same house, and just being comfortable in your own little secure space. Now if that's what you want for your lives, then that's obviously how you will live them. And that's not to say that I haven't had moments of doubts about the move, but you have to look beyond your fears of the unknown and look to why you are moving in the first place. Again, It may not be all rainbows and puppy dogs all the time (in fact im sure it wont) but we know at that time, my wife, kids and I will be drawn closer as a family, and that's what's really important to us.

    Hopefully at least some of this makes sense, or if not, it at least helped remind me of why we are moving!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    San Francisco to Auckland
    Posts
    626

    Default

    I can't remember who posted this quote before, but I thought it was brilliant...basically it is " "if you could be sure that it would turn out right, would you do it?" If you answer "yes" go ahead, as it is fear holding you back, if you answer "no" it is not, in your heart, what you want to do." Trust me, I can empathize I have my ups and downs about it all the time. But I know if we don't go for it, then I will forever regret not doing it. You can always say let's try it for 2 years. Is your house officially sold? Otherwise you could just rent it out, so that there is that connection back home. I know it can be quite scary, but hopefully it will all work out and a year from now you will be looking at each other and saying, wow I am so glad we did it. This was the best decision we could have made. Best of luck to you.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Auckland, New Zealand
    Posts
    18

    Default

    We didn't do the move with kids, and I can only imagine how much harder the added responsibility can make this. I had doubts throughout the entire 12 month process of us moving out here. I actually had my biggest wobble on the whole thing when we were here for our recce three months before the move. I found myself feeling utterly miserable at the thought of being so far away from loved ones. Looking back, I realise that all the ups and downs we had emotionally about the move, actually gave us opportunity to carefully consider lots of different aspects of it, and in a way, put in place the building blocks for coping mechanisms that I know we'll need. For us, the wobbles were always opportunities to re-affirm the reasons we were doing it in the first place if that makes sense. Kiwihusker is right. I guess the fear of never knowing what could have been if we'd decided not to go through with it, always weighed in more heavily for us than the fear of actually doing it! We've only been here 3 months, so time will tell if it was the right decision, but I can say now that its been a great 3 months, and although some days have been hard, I haven't once felt regret, or a desire to be anywhere else. Best of luck, whatever you decide!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    North Canterbury, NZ
    Posts
    47

    Default Did you make it over?

    Hi Wolfy,
    what did you decide to do? Are you still planning on moving over?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    20

    Default

    Mine is to.We,ve been working towards this for 3 years.He got the first job he went for (thought it would take around a year).Know our house is sold STC.Need to arrive in NZ mid August.All of a sudden he isnt sure if we,re doing the right thing,he,s asking himself is the grass really greener and are our lives here in Britain as bad as we thought.Its been hard work to get to this point and has cost us heaps of money.Had to have NZ immigration solicitors work on it.We are definately going to be financially worse off in NZ and are going to miss family,friends,pubs,history,British culture and sense of humour.We are going into the unknown,with 4 kids in tow.I think this is the most frightening thing we,ll ever do.I,m willing to jump in feet first.He is now thinking with his head instead of his heart.So here we are in limbo.I thought that this would be our time to celebrate.Been given permenant residency.But its the most stressful time yet.I hope it all turns out o.k,wish we could be enjoying this journey,we,ll see.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    San Francisco to Auckland
    Posts
    626

    Default

    Hopefully your husband's wobbles are only temporary. Maybe you need to revisit why you and your husband decided to move to NZ in the first place. And keep the lines of communication open. Look at it like this is an adventure and give it a solid two year commitment if that helps him feel better. This move doesn't have to be forever, so think of it that way.
    I sure hope it all works out for you and that whatever decision you end up making is the right one for your family right now. Best of luck.
    Quote Originally Posted by zoekj View Post
    Mine is to.We,ve been working towards this for 3 years.He got the first job he went for (thought it would take around a year).Know our house is sold STC.Need to arrive in NZ mid August.All of a sudden he isnt sure if we,re doing the right thing,he,s asking himself is the grass really greener and are our lives here in Britain as bad as we thought.Its been hard work to get to this point and has cost us heaps of money.Had to have NZ immigration solicitors work on it.We are definately going to be financially worse off in NZ and are going to miss family,friends,pubs,history,British culture and sense of humour.We are going into the unknown,with 4 kids in tow.I think this is the most frightening thing we,ll ever do.I,m willing to jump in feet first.He is now thinking with his head instead of his heart.So here we are in limbo.I thought that this would be our time to celebrate.Been given permenant residency.But its the most stressful time yet.I hope it all turns out o.k,wish we could be enjoying this journey,we,ll see.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    31

    Default

    We moved to New Zealand in November 2011. When people asked me why we were going my answer was usually why not? We thought it might be fun. Now I look back I am amazed to think we moved to a place, had no where permanant to live, never seen where we were going and only taking 2 suitcases. What an adventure!
    I'm not saying it's been an easy adventure. The first few months were a emotional roller coaster. I had to learn a completely new job and settle into a well established team.
    We have made some great friends with people who have settled here from all over the world and we consider them family. We have a much simpler life here. We have a lot less money but a lot less stress! We are both more active and enjoy walking on the beach.
    I miss some things about the UK. I miss my family and friends, but Skype is a life saver. I miss certain shops but there is international post.
    I don't know what our future holds but right now I would say we are at our happiest. Sometimes you just got to take a leap into the unknown. I didn't want to look back when I was older and have regrets that I'd never followed my dreams.

    Oh I should have said my husband wasn't keen on the idea of moving here but has loved it so far!
    Last edited by kingacat; 16th June 2012 at 07:08 PM.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    41

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kingacat View Post
    We moved to New Zealand in November 2011. When people asked me why we were going my answer was usually why not? We thought it might be fun..............
    Sometimes you just got to take a leap into the unknown. I didn't want to look back when I was older and have regrets that I'd never followed my dreams.
    ...............
    Couldn't agree more! And nice to read I'm hoping to make the move by the end of this year at the ripe old age of 53 with 19yr old son in tow! BIG leap of faith but know I'd regret if I didn't go. Was good to read such a positive post. I've never been to NZ but think I fell in love with it via a Great Aunt who lived there and sent me lovely books on NZ when I was a child! As a Nurse, I could go to OZ and make more money etc and many people don't seem to understand..it's not about the money it's about the lifestyle and the friendliness of he people that appeals. I can't wait

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •