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Thread: Serious Question about NZ Culture / Friendships

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
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    USA
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    Default Serious Question about NZ Culture / Friendships

    I have known a girl online through a game for many years. We have talked about taking it to the next level for many years. She lives in NZ and I am from the US. In each of our eyes we have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. There are things that her friends do that make me feel uncomfortable at times. They tell her she is eye popping, sexy, beautiful. Guys she went on dates with and she keeps around as friends. They call her quite a bit and even at times when we are on Skype a guy will call her at night when he can't sleep. She doesn't ever put up a Stop sign to these guys and says Hey I'm on call with my partner. She says it's normal and common place to remain friends with people you go on dates with, to be that close to someone who likes you but maybe it didn't work out.

    Is it common place in NZ for friends to hit on friends in that manner? Do guys call girls late at night just for a friendly chat even when this girl is in a relationship? Are people just way more open?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
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    California to Tasman Bay
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    1,137

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    Oh my. Please be careful with your heart. What you described could be a girl in California. It's not about where someone is from, it's about what you find acceptable. Some people in NZ might find it okay, some might not. Good luck.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
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    37,822

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    I don't think this would be a NZ-specific character or culture trait. I've heard of issues like this between people in the UK.

    I (and I'm from the older generation in the UK) think it's perfectly all right for a person of either sex to remain on good terms of friendship with people who were previously their partner. The remarks you describe MIGHT (depending on tone of voice, facial expression, etc.) be only pleasantness, not an attempt to hit on the girl. Have you heard this in person, or is it what she reports?

    The matter of when you do, or don't, accept a call from whoever it might be is a whole other matter. I can imagine some times in company (even alone with my OH), that it wouldn't cause any raised eyebrows to have a long chat with someone else who phoned out of the blue. But at other times, I'd tell a caller it wasn't convenient.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
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    NZ (Auckland; via Canada)
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    1,350

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    I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. But I would explain that when I move I need my rest...so the phone needs not to disturb me.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    San Francisco to Auckland
    Posts
    626

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    I have friendships with former boyfriends, but nothing like what you are describing. It sounds a bit too close in my humble opinion. Either way I hope everything works out for you.

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