Is it worth it?

[A.C. Slater]

We've been in the thick of our move for the last few weeks. We're drowning in immigration paperwork, bouncing around from doctor to doctor to radiologist to other doctors, getting fingerprinted, getting our 1-year-old a passport, and navigating the myriad requirements for importation of our dog. And of course, we have the full time job of packing our stuff, getting rid of stuff, and selling stuff off cheap that we paid good money for not long ago. Meanwhile, I'm starting to realize how much I'm going to miss the place I've called home for so long, and wondering how I'll get by being so far from friends and family. Every rental we look at on TradeMe looks bleek, dark, small, and covered with nasty carpet.

When moving from the USA to NZ was just an idea that we talked about, it got me really excited. Since we've been heads down in the move, the day-to-day process of inching our way closer to moving is really wearing down that excitement, and I catch myself having long periods of doubt.

Maybe some of you, Americans especially, who have gone though this can remind me that it really is worth it? I could really use a reminder of what we're working towards, here. Did anyone else go through this?

[Dell]

I moved back to NZ in December but I'm a Kiwi, so I didn't have to jump through any hoops and knew what I was getting into. Now my son and his family hope to make the move to NZ in about a year. My son has Kiwi citizenship (by descent) and knows NZ, but it's still a major move for a couple and three kids. They're coming to NZ with a two year commitment. If they're not enamoured or it doesn't work, they'll either try Oz or go back to the U.S. They want to expose their kids to more than just the U.S. and hoping they'll love it and stay. They'd also like their kids to have NZ residency/citizenship to give them more global options in education and employment.

So I guess what I'm saying is, who says you have to stay? Look at it as a life experience. You can play it safe and stay in the U.S. or go for it. If it doesn't work, you'll lose money but then you'll gain a lot that money can't buy.

p.s. I agree - a lot of the carpet is really ugly.

[newarrival]

No- one will be able to tell you if it is worth for you, I suppose..., we are not from the US, had a huge mountain of difficulties to overcome before we could actually settle down (we didn't know for more than a year if we would be able to stay or if we had to go again), but we got there in the end and for us, it was worth all the pain and troubles and money we spent!

[Karen Phillips]

Here's a piece of "wisdom" I learnt many years ago when I was a psychology student that I have sort of adapted and still resonates well with me - it's the "approach-avoidance" conflict. In a nutshell, the outcome of every option has some good and some less good components. From a distance you see all the positive ones and want to approach. As you get nearer and nearer, the negative ones become more prominent and get in the way of seeing the positive. In other words, I think what you are going through is very normal, regardless of where you are from. I still remember the excitement, then the tearful farewells, the wonderful early days in NZ, then the "OMG have I done the right thing?" and then many years of feeling totally settled in NZ. I hope you find it has all been worthwhile once you have time to let the dust settle at the other end of the journey! Kind regards. Karen

[dbonnett]

First of all - congrats on getting to this point! It is a hard road to reach the moving stage and there are times you think you'll never actually finish the process.

Now, about what you are experiencing (buyer's remorse is my flip term for it) - it is completely normal and just about every person who moves, no matter where, gets hit by it. The bad news is that you are very likely to go through it several times at different points before, during and after you move. We have been here almost 5 years and consider ourselves extremely well settled (just applied for citizenship) but that doesn't mean we don't hit a rough spot now and then. We had lived in a town in the US that we absolutely loved (Boulder CO) and were deeply tied into our community, but we saw moving to NZ as an opportunity that we couldn't pass up - it wasn't that we were running away from a bad situation - although there is lots about the US that did and still does concern us - more that we could do something only offered to a lucky few.

I don't know from which town you are moving in the US or where in NZ you're heading but I can guarantee they'll be different Instead of focusing on the parts of your old town that are missing here (lots, almost for certain), try to search out and explore the things that you couldn't have done in the US (also lots, I'd suspect). Once you do that, as well as become a bit better attuned to the more subtle aspects of NZ life, you may find that the sense of loss fades away, although it will never disappear completely, even if you wanted it to.

For us, we had thought life in Boulder was pretty relaxed and non-corporate compared to most of the rest of the country, but when we got here we found that our "mellow Boulder Hippy" attitudes were actually pretty Type A by NZ standards. So much of what drove our lives in the US (a good job for good health insurance, climbing the ladder, saving huge amounts for college, etc) doesn't even factor into the equation here. We get more time off, have better opportunities to do things with our daughter, enjoy the day to day and basically live for ourselves here in a way of which we couldn't conceive in the US.

Hope that helps. Don't lose sight of the destination amongst the steps along the way!

[bond]

I guess asking people on this forum for advice as to whether is it all worth it is a little pointless as most people on this forum are still living in New Zealand and I gather enjoying it, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

I left after 7 years and wondered if I would miss New Zealand, but I can honestly say I don't miss a thing. My time in New Zealand was an experience and it was good to give it a go and see what happened. 7 years was plenty and coming back to Europe really made me appreciate what we have here.

[JandM]

as most people on this forum are still living in New Zealand

I don't know where you get impressions like this. A large proportion of our active members are in the process of trying to get visas to go to NZ. A common pattern is for members' rate of posting to slow down when once they get to NZ and are busy settling into their new life, and some stop altogether. Then there's a significant minority who decide to return to their old home country, but nevertheless keep in touch.

[Sherlock Holmes]

I guess asking people on this forum for advice as to whether is it all worth it is a little pointless as most people on this forum are still living in New Zealand and I gather enjoying it, otherwise they wouldn't be there.

I left after 7 years and wondered if I would miss New Zealand, but I can honestly say I don't miss a thing. My time in New Zealand was an experience and it was good to give it a go and see what happened. 7 years was plenty and coming back to Europe really made me appreciate what we have here.

Thanks for the chucklies.

[Sherlock Holmes]

A.C. You'll never know unless you try it yourself. I liked your post dbonnett.

[A.C. Slater]

@bond: Easy for you to say. According to your profile, you live in the greatest country in the world. Of course you don't miss NZ. Coming back to the US is much different. I'm pretty confident there will be plenty of things I miss!