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Thread: Husband Getting Cold Feet?

  1. #1
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    Default Husband Getting Cold Feet?

    Having finally got an official job offer, my husband appears to have got cold feet as the job offer is about $20,000 p/a shy of what we ideally wanted.

    I've crunched the numbers and we will have an extra $700 per month disposable income but hubby is worrying that we will still struggle especially as we won't have access to the extra jobs that he sometimes does.

    I don't want to be short sighted about this as it's an opportunity that we feel is a great one for our two kids (7 & 4).

    His commute will be cut by 2/3rds, the weather is better, schooling is better as is the whole quality of life 'thing'.

    Has anyone else been in the same position?

    Thanks,

    Bel

  2. #2
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    The whole quality of life thing was the main reason why we chose to move to NZ, that and the experience of having an adventure and doing something very exciting.

    Everyone gets cold feet especially before taking the big PLUNGE and it is wise to talk and work out what and why is your hubby having cold feet on top of communicating why you feel so positive about the move.

    Back then when we moved in 2009, to a NZ that barely came out of a financial crisis, with no job offers, we experienced a lot of anxiety, insomnia for me mainly, issues of whether we fit in or will it be right for us or maybe I made a mistake and shoulda gone for Oz when I had the chance etc etc.

    I'm glad we made the move because we found the experience to be so enriching and our time in NZ to have so many positives (there were a few negatives of course) that we are determined more than ever now to return again to NZ and make the move permanent.

    And as for salary, my hubby was willing to take a 50% pay cut to move to NZ but our rental income from overseas made it possible for us to live quite nicely (on 1 salary) albeit with some cost-cutting and budgets.

  3. #3
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    Thanks Batgirl,

    The whole process been especially long and drawn out which hasn't helped. He originally flew to Auckland for the final interview at the end of May. We finally got the first job offer about 10 days ago after chasing. It will be a complex and difficult job which the management was at pains to point out, yet they appear to not want to pay the going rate for a man with his skills.

    Communication with DHB has not been brilliant at all and coupled with the fact that the lower salary would mean we would have to depend on our UK house rental to supplement our income has made hubby, understandably a little unsure of taking the plunge.

    He is worried that if our UK property is empty and I don't secure a job etc, we'll be up the swanny without a paddle.

    This has been dragging on since March and I think my husband's feelings and mine also are that why should we up-root our children and ourselves halfway across the world when the interview process and negotiations have been handled so unprofessionally?

    We love NZ - I spent 6 months there before marrying and children - and we know that there isn't really a better place you could bring up and educate children, the job itself is one my husband would relish. I think what it boils down to, I think he is losing respect for how this has been handled.

    Bel

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Belstar View Post
    Thanks Batgirl,

    The whole process been especially long and drawn out which hasn't helped. He originally flew to Auckland for the final interview at the end of May. We finally got the first job offer about 10 days ago after chasing. It will be a complex and difficult job which the management was at pains to point out, yet they appear to not want to pay the going rate for a man with his skills.

    Communication with DHB has not been brilliant at all and coupled with the fact that the lower salary would mean we would have to depend on our UK house rental to supplement our income has made hubby, understandably a little unsure of taking the plunge.

    He is worried that if our UK property is empty and I don't secure a job etc, we'll be up the swanny without a paddle.

    This has been dragging on since March and I think my husband's feelings and mine also are that why should we up-root our children and ourselves halfway across the world when the interview process and negotiations have been handled so unprofessionally?

    We love NZ - I spent 6 months there before marrying and children - and we know that there isn't really a better place you could bring up and educate children, the job itself is one my husband would relish. I think what it boils down to, I think he is losing respect for how this has been handled.

    Bel
    I understand where you are both coming from. My job application and processing by my DHB was appalling and very different to what I was used to in the States. But, I loved it once I got here and all worked out eventually. I think there is a real sense of Kiwi time is processing things in business and even every day life and coming from a faster pace of life, it can take some adjusting to. It drove my hubby bonkers when he first got here but he has learnt to chill out, adapt and slowly things(now he is a Manager) have changed a little.
    We emigrated with our 4/6 yr olds(and 9 yr old lab) and so far we are living it here. Hope this helps.

  5. #5
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    I think there are always going to be hiccups along the way. Most people who moved experienced all kinds of problems and some which they never thought would happen, happened. It's all part of the experience and maybe someday you might look back and recall it with amusement.

    Our medicals have been known to throw a curve ball at us and pretty much held us up for months trying to clear the medicals. A fatty liver is apparently as serious as a heart attack to them.....although now it is a non-issue.

    As for the issue on money, I think it might be wiser to look at your husband leaving first to secure the job, and help you set up accommodations before you arrive. He could also drop some resumes on your behalf and it makes a difference when a prospective employers knows a person is definitely coming and soon, as opposed to being overseas. And furthermore it will give you time to find a suitable tenant for your house while in the meantime making all the necessary preparations to pack and move.

    It isn't the best choice but it is a possibility. We are thinking along the same line ourselves when we move. It isn't impossible, it is just harder. We did that when we left NZ for Singapore; my husband went to start his job first and I stayed back in NZ and went a month later. Did all the packing, engage movers, sold the car, sold the house while still minding my 5 year old daughter then.

  6. #6
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    If the formal offer is low, why hasn't he asked for a counter-offer, politely explaining it's a bit lower than anticipated? It's almost expected nowadays. I did that for my job and got more than I'd hoped for.

  7. #7
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    And maybe ask for relocation allowance. we did, got some that covered our shipping.

  8. #8
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    Don't worry about the communication hiccups, it's the Kiwi way ! Sometimes, you apply for a job and hear nothing. Ever. Other times, you get really rapid responses and then nothing. BUT what you have to do is deal with things IN PERSON - don't rely on letters, emails or even voicemail. Speak to the people you need to speak to and Kiwis will react very differently. Become best friends with the HR person, the finance person etc and things will move better. They like the personal touch here but be patient - many Kiwis don't open up easily to people they don't know. Be patient and it will be 'sweet as' :-) Oh and I can't emphasise enough how beautiful NZ is - it really is worth the wait !

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