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Thread: Too scared to come back to NZ?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    New Zealand

    Default Too scared to come back to NZ?

    Hey guys

    Not really sure if I'm looking for advice here or just typing out my thoughts, but all advice gratefully received.

    I'm Irish and have been in Dunedin the past three years studying for a PhD (in English). Handed in a few months ago, waiting for results. Despite some deep ambivalence about certain aspects of NZ (eg; Dunedin housing, high cost of living), I really gave it my all to make my life there. Have my car, all my stuff, great network of NZ friends.

    PhD wasn't easy though and split up with guy I was seeing (NZ guy, old friend) about a week and a half after handing in PhD. Came back to Ireland in June for some weddings and have ended up back on a temp contract for 3 months in old job (admin).

    Plan was always to head back to NZ after this brief trip, all my stuff there etc, and to head to ChCh and find work (most of my friends in ChCh). Ideally in communications/writing, but am realistic and maybe in admin or whatever comes up. Since getting back home, though, I've just totally lost my nerve and am almost too scared to get back to NZ in case things don't work out, eg; don't find a job, can't find anywhere to live in ChCh . I'd be going back on a Graduate Job Search visa which is a one year work visa, then hopefully go onto Skilled Migrant after that. I've lived out of Ireland for most of my adult life (Scotland, Canada, then those three years in NZ) so no real desire to stay here, especially with economy the way it is. Think my confidence just took a major, major bashing over last few months in NZ. Feels like such a major step to come back, even though I have everything in place down to my NZ driving licence, IRD number, bank a/c, vehicle, all my stuff, social network, hobbies! For some reason I can't just focus on "she'll be right" and can only focus on what happens if I come back and can't find work. At the same time not quite ready to just let go of NZ either... Love tramping/skiing/outdoors and really not a "big city" person at all.

    Thoughts anyone?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2008


    I'd say, one step at a time. It sounds as though you'd LIKE to be convinced to follow your original plan, to go back, so that's the line I'm taking, but obviously, it's your decision.

    You're saying yourself, your confidence took a big hit just before you came away. Truly, you KNOW that's not anything to do with NZ, but the uncomfortable feeling has hitched itself onto the abstract idea of NZ since you've been out of the country (and knowing something doesn't, unfortunately, wipe out an emotion). You need to go back to give the REAL NZ a chance to step in and elbow the phantom mental image out of the way. If it makes you feel better about making the journey, you can tell yourself, 'This is a trial - I'll give it my best for a year, and then see.' As I've said before about feelings, you can talk to your 'other self' inside your head, and tell her, 'There, there - I know this is tough, and you're not feeling good about it. Poor old you.' But we can still function, despite feelings, if we don't let them be at the top of the list for attention.

    Good luck! ((()))

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Hawke's Bay -New Zealand


    The above is good advice.
    'This is a trial - I'll give it my best for a year, and then see
    It's not as though you are committing your whole life and you have friends here to share your life with, which is a plus. Good luck.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Ōtepoti, Aotearoa


    I'd say too now it is time to experience the non-academical NZ; that will/might be a different experience. (Based on what some friends who went through this.)Whar are your friends saying; those here, or elsewhere?!

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