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Thread: Leaving family behind

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    30

    Default Leaving family behind

    I'm considering returning to NZ in January, after living back in the UK for almost 4 years (I spent 5 years in NZ before that and have my PR). I returned because of family reasons and while I've enjoyed being back at times, particularly because of family and for the travelling opportunities from here, I am fed up of the weather in Manchester (cold, dark winters and greyness for much of the rest of the year) and because of that and other factors about the UK, I don't want to build my future in this country. There isn't much I will miss about the UK apart from my nephews, who are 2 and 6. I will miss them a lot, and also feel guilty depriving them of an Auntie! I am also close to my sister so will miss her too. I'm 39 and single, and another reason for wanting to make the move now is that if I am going to meet someone and have children I definitely want it to be in NZ and not here, because I think NZ is such a fantastic place for children to grow up.

    Has anyone got any words of wisdom about leaving family behind, especially nieces and nephews? Is it worth the sacrifice for the sake of a better lifestyle in NZ? Last time I was in NZ one nephew wasn't born, and other was very young so I didn't have the same relationship I have with him now.

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Dairy Flat, Auckland
    Posts
    1,749

    Default

    Hi,
    I feel for you on this as I am going through this myself and its not easy and many of us go through this with family and its also a very difficult thing to advise on as we are all different.I absolutely love New Zealand and its been my home for Eight years and I do not look on UK as my home anymore but recently my Mum had a triple heart bypass and I was hospitalised which has been sorted but was unable to fly and still need to wait a few months before I can go and see them. This is where it gets difficult so I fully understand where you are coming from .I can only tell you how I feel and would never go back to the UK on a permanent basis. Last time I went back to see my family was fantastic and I love them very much but all I could think about was coming back to New Zealand . As said it affects us all differently, for some although they love NZ they miss their families too much and return, rightly so. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide and as others will say its not an easy one.I am however in regular touch and with Skype etc things are easier nowadays Take care, Dave

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Hawke's Bay -New Zealand
    Posts
    526

    Default

    Follow your heart and your instincts. With Skype it is so much easier to stay in touch on a regular basis.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    NZ (Auckland; via Canada)
    Posts
    1,321

    Default

    It is your life and your life alone. You can't live it for anyone else.

    I have 10 nephews and nieces, all of whom seem to find it rather awesome that Uncle Jawnbc has lived in kewl, far away places. I focus on quality interactions rather than frequency of in-person time. We interact a lot online and feel I've been almost as involved in their growing up as if I'd been there. I try to make it back once every 12-18 months and have structured my financial life in ways to facilitate this.

    I left in my mid-20s and my family considered me "selfish" for a long time. Most now accept that I was smart for following my heart and aspirations. The generation before me largely lived within very constrained notions of family and responsibility and choice: when they started dropping dead in their 40s and 50s, it was clear that pocketing your dreams for your retirement might well mean nothing in the end. My mother was my biggest critic...until she was diagnosed with COPD a few months after retiring. "You were the smartest one in the bunch" she told me a couple of months before she died, "have your adventure when you can; there's plenty of time later for mortgages."

    If I were incapacitated tomorrow I could say I've had more than my share of adventures. Not sure some of my siblings could say the same.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    35,997

    Default

    I do so agree with jawnbc.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    30

    Default

    Thanks for your replies so far everyone. It's really useful and interesting to hear people's thoughts and opinions

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    35

    Default

    Hi there can i just say i am in the same boat i have a niece on the way but sometimes you have to go with your gut instinct where abouts are you going to in New Zealand?
    i will be leaving UK for Christchurch in Jan 2016
    speak soon Lewis

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    30

    Default

    Yes, I do feel like I've been fighting my gut instinct for the best part of 4 years so I think I just need to go with it now! I'll be heading to Auckland as that's where I was last time and where most of my friends are. Have you lived in NZ before Lewis?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun 2015
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    35

    Default

    No never before do you have any advice can you tell me abit about it?

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    30

    Default

    I think you'll love it Lewis. Just be aware that it might take you some time to settle, but it's a great lifestyle there!

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