telling parents/family you are leaving .....

[shakyle2906]

HI

What reactions did you get when you decided to tell your parents and family that you were leaving fro NZ ??

We have that to come!

Told my dad (remarried and i dont bother with his family - my mum did 14 years ago) - he was great, so was my sister. Told sister in law - again brill!

Going to be most difficult telling steve's parents - they wont acept it! They dote on our little one, have looked after him since i went back to work when he was 3 mths (now 4 1/2 yrs), will say 'only thinking of yourselves' ......

Any stories to tell and advice ??


Sharon

[Huttvalleypom]

This is perhaps one of the hardest aspects of emigration, particularly when you have children. The best advice we would give is to tell your close family as soon as possible after the decision has been made and, preferably, well ahead of your planned departure date. This allows more time for your loved ones to 'come to terms' with your move and the implications this has for seeing the grandchildren grow up etc. It still doesn't make it easy and those final goodbyes will be just as painful, but it does give time to adjust.

Good luck!

Claire and Russell

[Smiler]

We had a mixed reaction really.

All our friends said go for it, when can we visit?

My parents were very upset, my Mum went into orbit and is/was much more upset than my Dad. It caused a massive rift which is only now being healed.

My son aged 20 at the time said ok bye!

Both my sisters said go for it!

MIL had the same reaction as my Mum and in the end we sent them both into another room, so that they could have a moan and cry together. Really to support each other, but we didn't tell them that.

SIL's (me me) reaction was predicatable. 'Why on earth New Zealand' closely followed by "Whose going to look after Mum, I can't". (MIL's a fit 63 year old BTW) SIL is still moaning about this nearly 2 years on. She also told the family that I would be back within a year, on my own.

I'd dreaded telling them all and their reactions were predictable, although I didn't think my parents would go so far off the scale.

Advice, phew! My two cents worth;

Tell them sooner rather than later.

Don't try and justify it to anyone. This may be difficult if you've not even been to NZ.

Set out your reason for emmigrating clearly.

Make communications easy, especially for older people.

Don't keep ramming info down their throats, it's easy when you are caught up on the roller coaster to keep going on about the smallest problem.

Point out you are not taking their grandchild away from them, you are wanting to give him a better chance in life (or something like that)

HTH and good luck.

[willowshouse]

Going to be most difficult telling steve's parents - they wont acept it! They dote on our little one, have looked after him since i went back to work when he was 3 mths (now 4 1/2 yrs), will say 'only thinking of yourselves' ......

I am a believer in 'you only get one life' .. you have to put your immediate family first. It is hard, but I hope that when the time comes for my kids to make their choices about what they want to do and where they want to live I'll be able to say - go for it.....

I'm sure that you will have weighed up all the pro's and con's of emigrating including the fact that you are (presumably) leaving all your family behind and you will therefore not have arrived at your decision lightly - it will be what you think is best for your family's future despite the negatives.

Try not to get too upset at their attitude - it may take them quite a while to get come around to the idea. Be firm in your decision and your reasons for doing it but avoid being confrontational - it doesn't help.

Never say never ... Don't rule out going back, it will maybe lessen the blow. It's easier to say we're going to live in NZ now, maybe for at least a couple of years and then we'll see. Give them time to adjust.

Good luck,
Dawn

[wiki]

I agree totally with the posts above.

Best bit of advice is give them time - and really sell it to them what the journey will mean to your quality of life for you and your child.

My OH's mother is v clingy so we had to be a bit sneaky.

Se started off by saying I was taking a 3-month sabbatical from work to visit my family (me being a Kiwi). Then we said I'd got the chance of covering for maternity leave for a year and we were going to do that.

Then we said that it looked like there was a good 2-year project I could head up.

Finally, I dropped into conversation that it would be good for OH to stay out in NZ for 5 years to get citizenship and then we would always have the choice of which country to live/retire in...

This whole process took about a year of subtle hints and "selling" but it seems to have worked.

Luckily, my OH's brother is due back from China next month (he's been out there for three years) so the in-laws at least have some experience with their children going away and then coming back...

Best of lcuk - and remember you are doing what you think is best for you. If your family can't support that, then they are the ones who are going to be missing out.

[The Hodges]

Hi there

I haven't a lot more to add, except to that my mum took it worse to start with, but she has come round, and my dad is fine with it, although we shall see when we come to leave. The OH's family are positive, although we do get the odd call asking us whether we are still going!? My brother hasn't really passed comments - still in shock I think.

I think that you have to approach on the basis that you are not leaving for good, after all you will see all your family and friends again, but going away for an adventure.

And with internet calls, such as Skype and Instant Messenger, and email, contacting friends and family across the world will be easier than it used to be.

Also, we got a webcam and I'll get my folks one before we go. THe OH's sister has one already , so her family is taken care of, so it might be worthwhile suggesting that everyone gets one of those.

Also, I think that planes will get faster anyway, so where as it takes (only) 24 hours to fly back to Blighty, it will only get quicker.

I hope that the posts help and here is a little something to cheer you up in case your feeling down...

[Jenny & Mark]

Telling my Mom was definitately the hardest part. My parents have known about my desire to immigrate to New Zealand for about 7 years, but they always viewed it as a pipe dream. We had a long talk about it last March so that the date would not sneak up on them; however, my Mom now believes that this is her punishment for leaving her parents to immigrate to Canada.

Mark.

[benandclare]

Eek trickey one

Have just come back from telling my mum and did not go well feel very very guilty for leaving even tho it might not be for another 2 years altho suspect that if things keep dropping into place the way they have so far it might be a liitle bit sooner.

Daughter,17 very supportive and cant wait to
come out for 6 months after she has done her degree and have a look see No pressure on her but would love her to stay but as her mum will be back in Uk we'll have to wait and see.

Rest of family very supportive also and one brother already booked in for world cup in 2011 and rest all promising to visit.

As for OH family, Sam will come with us but Helen is going to stay behind with her Dad and Clare's Mum will probably come to as BIL already out in Blenhiem.

Could be a tricky week with Mum on the phone thinking of more excuses why we shouldnt go
Ben

[Darkrider]

It's interesting that people are saying tell them a long time in advance to let them get used to the idea. We've decided the opposite.
I did drop it into the conversation with my Mum last August and she asked me about it again in October at which point we were thinking we probably were living a pipe dream....... and I said as much. Her reply was good I couldn't take it if you left to go to the other side of the world that would be that part my life gone forever....... [my Gran died the beginning of last year and my Mum is a re-married divorcee with a child by my step-father]. So I suppose I can see where she is coming from.
Maybe we should mention it once we are part way through our ITA

[Darkrider]

oops....... didn't reallise my hubby was logged in........ this is Myrkk posting not DR.